Broken yet building...

(*Yep this is a disclaimer. I am about to talk about human brokenness. I am not responsible for what comes from these words. This is something we all experience, whether or not you acknowledge it. I ask one thing of you as the reader. Read this without an analyzing lens. This is just one person's perspective of the brokenness that attaches itself to the human experience.)

When I was a young boy, I saved up my money and went down to the local hardware store and bought what was known as a "wrist rocket." This is basically a sling shot that had some modifications to make it powerful enough to hunt small game. For all the poor rabbits and birds out there, this was an invention that spelled death incarnate. Only a few days had passed, and I had begun to become bored with shooting rocks at a paper target posted on my chain link fence. I felt that I needed a more elusive target. I felt that confident in my sling shooting abilities. One day, I found that an innocent rabbit had wandered close enough to my house to become a suitable target. I loaded my wrist rocket with a rock, and took my aim. I was about 40 feet from this rabbit. I let go of the rock, and watched as this rock flew and struck this rabbit straight between the eyes. An expert marksman would have congratulated me on a great shot. But what followed was an instant sense of remorse. I still remember the guilt only felt by humans over their destruction of God's Creation.

I start this post with this description of one of the first of my experience with human guilt, because I feel it frames the setting for this post all too well.

I have recently had the absolute joy of becoming an uncle. My beloved brother and sister in law recently created a beautiful baby girl. I got to have the privilege of having the honor of becoming this amazing baby girl's godfather. One of the privileges that comes with being the godfather/godmother of a baby is to purchase this child's baptismal cups, sometimes called a Christening Cup. When discerning a Bible verse to have etched in this cup, I had to make a decision between two of my favorite Bible verses. Micah 6:8 and Proverbs 1:7. Both of these verses articulate messages that I would desperately want my new niece to remember for the rest of her life. I settled on Proverbs 1:7. "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction." I felt this is where we, as a blessed Creation of God, must all start our journey. The obedience to a Greater Wisdom must be the beginning of our own perception.

Karl Barth talks about Jesus as the God's revelation of his Divinity and His revelation of true Humanity. Jesus was both the TOTAL incarnation of God's love for us as a human race, and His revelation of what it means to be TRULY human. He claims that it is in Jesus' model that we can begin to understand the truly divine revelation of God with each other. It is in our relation. When we let down our walls and truly share our experience with one another, God's Holy Spirit is present in that moment. The "Anonymous" programs, such as AA and Narcotics Anonymous and all other programs connected to this line of thinking, operate from this premise. That when we, as a genuine human creation, share our unique and genuine experience of life, we can share a truly divine gift of understanding. A priest, who was giving a moving and life changing seminar on shifting our attitudes towards the addiction of alcoholism said it best. "Hasn't every drunk who has died from their disease of alcoholism, paid the price of sobriety for us all?" What I observe from this man's perspective is that no person who has suffered and died from the disease of alcoholism in vain. That somehow, God willing, we learn something from every precious person dying from this affliction.

This is the heart of why I write this blog. I don't write this blog to heighten my own experience of life. I am not looking for acclamation or notoriety from sharing my experience. I use this image when describing the power behind each person's experience of life, when describing the life changing phenomenon of telling others "our story." You never know the power behind the things you choose to share with your fellow brothers and sisters. You never know the true extent of the impact of sharing your heart with others.

I have recently undergone a life changing experience. I am not proud of this experience. Yet, I know that something terrifying and terrific lay amongst the ashes of my own experience. Going back to the revelation of Proverbs 1:7, I feel compelled to share this experience with you. It is my greatest hope that somewhere amongst the rubble of my life's ashes, that you will gain knowledge and wisdom.

We, as a human race, are broken. We cannot deny this. In fact anyone who says they are truly "whole" is someone we should approach with great care and caution. For it is in this belief of wholeness, that we deny God's presence. It is the equivalent of someone walking up to you, with many bleeding bullet wounds, saying that they are truly "okay." As a human, knowing what we know of our own frailty, we know that this person is believing a lie. The human experience of brokenness is experienced and articulated all around us. Please journey with me through two examples of the human expression of this state.

The first example I bring to you is a song from the soundtrack from the movie "Once." In this song we hear of one person's experience of being betrayed and broken due to the consequences of giving one's heart to another person.

"All the Way Down."
(Written and Performed by Glen Hansard.)

You have broken me all the way down. Down upon my knees. And you have broken me all the way down. Now You'll be the last, you'll see. And some fight you gave. When I pushed you away From me. And in the morning. When you turn in I'll be far to sea. And you have broken me all the way down, You'll be the last, you'll see. And what chance have we got, When you missed every shot For me. And in the morning, When you turn in I'll be out of reach. And in the darkness, When you find this I'll be far to sea. And you have broken me all the way down. You'll be the last, you'll see.

When I read these lyrics, I am reminded of another piece of human experience that has been articulated so that we may all learn from the human experience. This next example may be something that has been familiar to many of you. This is a part of the Lutheran Worship Liturgy. I truly believe that each example is expressing the same feeling that each of us humans must face.

We confess that we are in bondage to sin, and cannot free ourselves. We have sinned against you in thought, word and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart, we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. For the sake of your son, have mercy on us. Forgive us, renew us and lead us, so that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways, to the glory of your holy name. Amen.
(Lutheran Book of Worship published by Augsburg Publishing House and the LCA Board of Publication, 1978.)

In the destruction of my own plans for life, what I have learned is that I cannot separate myself from the one element of life that makes us all human. Brokenness.

I look for other writings that stem from other paths of belief to reinforce this idea. The Sufi Poet Rumi, otherwise know as Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Balkhī, wrote the following words in the 13th Century: "Beyond our ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there lays a field. I will meet you there." What I take from this man's words, is the understanding that when we move beyond our own moralistic ideas of the human experience, what we find is a common ground on which all humanity stands. We are broken. Our own human understandings and categorizing of these experiences do no more good that trying to refill the ocean by constantly gathering the incoming tides, and pouring them back into the ocean. Trying to refill the waters that roll onto the beach, according to God's Creative Pattern, does not more good that trying to put out the biggest forest fire with our own spit.

We are a broken people. There is no getting away from that. But what we must face, as individual units of Creation, is the decision to share with our brothers and sisters our own experiences. When we profoundly face the experiences of our own brokenness and choose to keep it to ourselves, it is the equivalent of finding the cure for Cancer and keeping it to ourselves. When we choose to share the unique and significant experience of brokenness with each other, we are bowing the Power of God to shape our words to be agents of change for one another. I am not talking Obama's sense of Change. I am squarely talking about the Power of God to shaped and mold us. (Jeremiah 8:1-11) We must share with one another the depths of our hearts. However, it is not just a responsibility of those who share. Those who listen to these stories must be equally responsible. Those who hear their brother or sister's experience with brokenness is faced with the task of framing these words to be a moving force within their own hearts.

We are broken. We cannot run from it. But this is not an empty brokenness. As God redeems even the nonredeemable, we must realize that when we share our hearts, we participate in providing a very real, human substance that God molds to invade the hearts of our neighbors.

This is extremely dangerous and risky. Don't get me wrong. This scenario is one of the most profoundly uncomfortable experiences we will all face. However, according to Barth, it is in our relation to one another that we come face to face with the Image of God.

Don't fool yourselves. God is working through you. God is working through your pain. You are not suffering in vain. You NEVER know what God has in store for your experience with brokenness. Do not keep it from one another. Bless one another with sharing you heart. For those who are hearing the words of your broken brothers and sister, do what you can to hear their words apart from a moral analysis. There words are not meant to be subject to our own human judgment. The words of the broken are meant to be ways in which God breaks into your heart. God works through our brokenness to shout the message of God's love to one another. Live in the uncomfortable. It is in the discomfort, that God brings us to the most righteous place we can ever inhibit. Our knees.

I love you. I may not have even met you. However, I know that God made me to relate to you. God has made me, and in fact, God came to earth in Jesus in order to exemplify what it truly means to live in a self-giving love.

Don't be misguided. This is tough. This takes courage. This is the fundamental meaning of being Brave. Laying down your life for your brother or sister does not exclusively mean sacrificing your physical being for one another. Your heart is a part of this. It is my prayer that you will share your heart with me, and with one another.

For it is in your heart, on our knees, that we come face to face with the Loving God.

Surrender does not mean weakness. It is up to you.

What are you going to do with your brokenness?

(I want to thank you for reading this from your best heart. It is the only heart that we ought to lead with.)

JT

Paradox...uff dah!

It has been awhile since I have posted anything on this blog. I have been journeying through one of the hardest times of my life. And what has made this time so difficult for me is the presence of paradox in the situation I am facing.

Paradox is defined: "a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in the reality expresses a possible truth. Any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictary nature." (Dictionary.com)

I think paradox is a constant presence in life. As humans, we are faced with countless situations where the reality of life does not line up with the natural perspectives we want so desperately to hold regarding our lives. Our perspectives, informed by our nature, our upbringing, our context/culture, our faith development, our family systems, and our own desire to have a solid sense of homeostasis in our lives, serve as our stronghold for feeling like we have some grasp on our own identity and how we see ourselves "fitting" in this world. The progression of thought through the Modern and Post-Modern Eras, informed by the time of Enlightenment, has not always served us well when dealing with paradox. The thinking that came out of the eras that proceeded our existence has placed an exclusive value on the importance of empiricism. Empiricism, for lack of a better way to describe it, basically states that the things we perceive create our reality. Descartes is famous to the saying, "I think therefore I am." However, what happens when the things we perceive do not fit nicely in the matrix of understanding that this way of thinking creates? What happens when we sit in the midst of a confusion that our human logic and understanding cannot adequately resolve the conflicts we face? It is this phenomenon that we must work through if we hope to continue in life without a severe feeling of discomfort that cannot be dismissed by just saying "I have no clue." There are times where giving up our logical and cognitive understanding cannot progress us through our troubles.

Walk with me through this situation. There is currently a criminal trial going on in Florida that stirs strong emotion in anyone who is following it. Casey Anthony is a young woman who is accused of killing her two year old daughter. During the proceedings of this trial, the prosecuting counsel called Casey's mother to the stand to witness to the character, activities, and mindset of her own daughter. After an emotional testimony, Cindy Anthony walked off the stand and mouthed the words "I love you" to the daughter who is being accused of one of the worst sins/crimes a human could ever commit. And even in the midst of the mass of evidence against her daughter, Cindy Anthony found strength in herself to remind her daughter of the core feeling that she feels for her kin. Any mother or father can relate to this paradox. While being held accountable to the truth that Cindy Anthony knows about her daughter, she still holds another truth in equal importance. As a mother, no matter how far her daughter has strayed in life, Cindy Anthony still loves her daughter like no one else on this planet. However, when mouthing the words "I love you," to Casey, the response of the daughter towards her mother articulated a whole other emotion. Betrayal. While the psychological condition of both the mother and daughter can be reasonably called into question, there exists two conflicting and contradicting realities. Casey Anthony very well may be guilty for murdering her daughter, however, Cindy Anthony still loves her daughter in the midst of all the accusations.

So where do we go when we are faced with a situation that does not logically resolve itself with the presence of the truth we understand? The human race is faced with a paradox that surrounds us at every turn. There is enough food in this world to feed all people, however we still have children, and people in this world who go without the necessary nutrition to sustain life. There are governments and systems that continue to exploit some people in the world, while providing the basic humans rights for another group of people. We cannot get away from this paradox.

Journeying through this paradox is a painful experience. We must move beyond the conclusions that serve as a source of comfort for our own understanding to reach a place where we can begin to understand our own existence. I believe that in order for us to reach this place, we must bow to an understanding/wisdom that can hold these paradoxes in understanding. I am currently enrolled in a class that is taught by a teacher from Ghana. This professor, in his unique and natural understanding of life, has urged my class to move beyond the "box" that we create in order to understand the world, and to try to hold a perspective that lays outside of our logical understanding. And while I am not a fan of denying our own conscious or understanding, I do believe that in a place of paradox, we must know that our logical, natural understandings do indeed lead us to a place where we must reflect and deal with the conclusion that we do not have the ability to hold the contradicting elements of life, at times, within our own understanding.

There is something bigger than us out there, that governs, sustains, and can adequately deal with the contradictions of the human condition. This is a phenomenon in life where our release of cognitive mastery over life is a necessity in order for us to move forward. We must trust in the fact that God can hold the conflicts and contradictions in the upright and correct understanding. God can in fact redeem the nonredeemable. God can operate outside of the lines and laws of our existence. He can indeed hold all people and situations, regardless of the conflict their existence creates, in His Love.

Faith is the belief in things unseen. Sometimes the resolution we crave dwells in the place we cannot see. When we defer to God's wisdom, we are not weak. In my opinion, when we bow to God's wisdom, we are operating the true sense of obedience. There is strength in that.